ARRRRRRGG! T’is a fine day for catching up on one of StringCans’ favorite questions, me hearties. In honor of International Talk Like a Pirate Day we have a few new answers to our one and only celebrity question: Who would win in a fight between a pirate and a ninja?
Our obsession with pirates and ninjas has grown over the past year. As our interest in the question of pirate/ninja superiority flourishes, we’re discovering an entire pirate vs. ninja community burgeoning along with us. We’ve found this same eternal question posed by many of the great thinkers of our time. Most of these thinkers are, of course, webcomics and hipsters. So at least we’re in the exclusive company of other self-important idiots.
Most recently we learned that there is a Pirate vs. Ninja movie in the works. You can see some exclusive clips here. We wish the movie the best success and we’d like to offer our reassurance that – Nooo, you can’t tell that’s a bluescreen at all. Good luck!
As this cultural phenomenon crops up time and time again, we would be remiss if we didn’t explore the deeper issues afoot: What about this question strikes people so deeply? Why pirates and ninjas? Do they represent archetypes of human existence that we naturally align ourselves with? Are we all, deep down, concerned that we are sloppy slovenly pirates? Do we, just as deep down, wish to be perfectionistic, successful ninjas? Do we, a little farther deep down, want to see the struggles that rage inside us played out between hooked hands and empty fists? Are we drunk?
The answer to all of these questions, and many more, is: Maybe, just a little.
Anyway, screw all that pansy, deeper-meaning shit! All we know is, sometimes members of rock bands we’ve seen on MTV and MTV2 will sit down and tell us what they think about a dumb ass question we ask them. So, as long as there are still pirates and ninjas and rock bands walking this globe we will continue to ask: Who would win in a fight?
Brian Karscig: I’d have to say ninja. The ninja can stand back 10 feet away and throw one of those little stars. It seems like the pirate needs to be in close to work with the sword.
Brian Karscig is the guitarist/vocalist for Louis XIV. He has a haircut that he calls “The Iguana.”
Phil Bogard: What’s that?
SC: Who would win a fight between a pirate and a ninja?
Phil: I think the ninja would win.
SC: Can you tell me why you think that?
Phil: Because he’s got more skills.
Phil Bogard is the guitarist for Ingram Hill. Ingram Hill is actually named after a road sign that read Ingram Mill. But their lead signer is slightly illiterate. Isn’t that funny?
Patrick Stump: I’ve heard this one before! I’ve heard it a couple times. Now, my instincts say, “ninja.” Right? Because, ninjas are skilled. They’re skilled to the point of being Taoist, like “doing without doing.” They don’t even have to try to do anything. They just exist to kick ass.
But, I don’t know. Something tells me a pirate would be so beastial [sic] and violent that, like, maybe the pirate wins.
I don’t know, I’d say it depends on how skilled the ninja is. If it’s a young ninja, he’s probably going to lose to the pirate. If it’s, like, master ninja, the pirate doesn’t stand a chance.
SC: Reeaally? You know because [pirates] are always drunk. And drunk people sort of have these superhuman forces. So, that kind of puts them on a ninja level.
Stump: Yeah. They don’t feel any pain. They’re just, you know? I mean what are you going to do? Punch the guy in the eye? He’s only got one.
Patrick Stump is the vocalist/guitarist for Fall Out Boy. They say their name doesn’t come from The Simpsons. We say: Liars